MIDLIFE CRISIS!!! (And I'm only 16!)

I don't know what I'm doing with myself now my GCSE's are all over. I have my results which aren't too bad, thankfully!

So what do I do?!

At one point, I was heading towards Ballakermeen because they came highly recommended for performing arts, and I wanted to be a drama teacher. *wanted* being the key word there. Because recently, my dreams have come crashing down around me, and I no longer want to teach. Pretty much end of. Childhood dream to be a teacher, and now I don't want to.

But now Psychology has gone at Ballakermeen, and not wanting to do performing arts as much anymore, there's no reason to really go to Ballerkermeen, or St. Ninnians, where I also put my name down. Meaning that, if I wanted to, I could go to QE2, and save myself the trauma of leaving.

But now I've kind of gotten used to the idea of leaving. My boyfriend and I talked for a while last night about it, and he mentioned the Isle Of Man College - an option I hadn't even thought of. He was talking about his experience when he went there for his engineering course, and he said that it was a really good atmosphere, you can wear whatever you want (jeans, hoodies - 'you can go in in just a thong and nipple tape'), and you swear WITH the teachers, not at them, which sounds like the kind of working environment I can enjoy and learn from.

HOWEVER

There is no music OR performing arts there, and it's got me in a rut because now I really want to go to the college, especially for art as the budjet at QE2 is being cut - the college will have a much wider and better collection of art supplies. But they have no music, which seems to be what I'm angling for at the moment. Something is pulling me in that direction, especially because the head of A-Level music said that, without a doubt due to my past experience with school productions and performances, she will accept me onto the music course despite my not having a GCSE in music, which is a godsend.

It doesn't help that, in the last hour when I've not been typing, I think i've realised what I want to do - I want to join a circus. No, I'm not joking, I really do want to travel the world performing, spinning poi and juggling and doing acrobatics. Cirque du Soleil would be the most amazing thing in the world to be a part of.

OR I wouldn't mind being a singer, or a Broadway actress. I can't write songs, but I'm working on it, and I would need to develop my stamina so that I could do ongoing, demanding performances for weeks - even months. Don't get me wrong, I realise (maybe not completely) that any mainstream onstage performance will be more demanding than anything I've done in my life, but I think it would be so rewarding at the end of it.

But then what's my fallback? Fame and fortune will only last for so long, and that's only if I get noticed. I'll need to have something else to do, something more...And I'm stuck at what that something will be.

Everything seems to be pointing me towards QE2, and whilst at the beginning I would have given nothing more than to be able to go to QE2, now I would just feel guilty, and I can't see why.

I don't care if nobody reads this. It would be nice if someone could comment and give me some advice - like what you did for you A-Levels, or anything at all that could help me.

Well...

See you around.

=]